God gave me a whisper….
If someone would have told me that my 2018 would be ending the way it has back in January, heck even back in July I would have laughed and told them they were crazy and not even listened. I would have dug in, in all my stubborn ways and set out to prove them wrong. Are you ever like that? So, set out on proving something that you forget to listen and see what is right in front of you. That has been me for well probably most of my life. I’m not sure if it comes from being the youngest of 5 (3 of which are brothers) or if it was learned because I struggled as a kid with school and always felt I didn’t fit in. I’m sure it has to do with all these but also the fact that it is how God made me when he knit me together in my mother’s womb.
But something was different this year that started in February, when I started working with a counselor, I thought at the time that it was all for business and that it would have to do with growing stronger business traits. Oh man, I can tell you 11 months later it had everything to do with growing in every aspect of my life. I have never worked so hard, cried so much and listened in my life. All just for me!! To work on just me!! It brings me to where I am today and looking back on the last 13 weeks of this year.
I began hearing a word about mid-July that said MOVE… I truly and honestly didn’t have any idea what it meant and I thought it meant add another store in a different town. I was actively looking at store fronts anyways so I thought I was totally on the right track. It all made sense. I was so very busy with what felt like a million balls in the air and kept saying that I will get more serious about opening another store in a few months. Little did I know that this step in my journey as a business owner was not in the cards at all.
I kept hearing MOVE and had no an idea what this could be meaning…my husband and I were going along in life. My hubby had just bought a building and had amazing plans to grow his business and even begin working together. It seemed like life was clicking along and beginning to make sense. We had worked so hard for this and excitement was in our steps. I continued to hear MOVE even stronger!
I kept going along not even aware of what was to come…
It is amazing how one day; one decision can send what you thought into a tidal wave of weeks to come. On a Monday night in September a decision happened that took the wind out of our sail that caused us to question everything and for me to being understanding the word MOVE. My husbands building did not get zoned into commercial which is what we needed for the plan we had for it. (do you see all the we in that sentence?) It funny because we thought it was a great, almost brilliant plan. Little did we know that God had so much more in store.
We had prayed and heard commercial or nothing and the nothing meant that we were moving and selling everything (which included my businesses) okay that’s the plan. Deep down inside I wanted to say I don’t really mean it okay, I mean I’m sorry your plans won’t work out, but I am not stepping away from my dreams that I worked so very hard for. But, it happened, the vote came across after what felt like hours of hearing people testimony against out dream, terrible words and oh so much fear was in that room. I can remember sitting there and God saying you don’t need to hear all this I am covering your ears to the negative and fear because you will need focus and negative words going through your mind is not what you need. I don’t recall most of what was said, I thank God for that protection because He knew that next 13 weeks we would be on a wild ride and I would need to look to Him and to stay positive.
I announced that we were moving and that both my business would be for sale. This caused me to cry most days and ask Why… all the while I continued to hear MOVE. My beloved boutique sold in 4 days to a wonderful person and family. I felt blessed to have this happen so fast and couldn’t believe that in less then 7 days I walked out of my boutique for the last time.
Let me tell you all the emotions were in me, but one thing was a soft whisper and that was MOVE and it gave me peace for the first time. I had jobs that needed to be finished and I wanted to finish strong. It was funny (not really at the time and the funny is a tad bit of sarcasm) because there was one job in there that was hard and everything went wrong, things that had never happened to me before. But, I went through the list of jobs and checked them off one by one.
Our family went for a week-long adventure to the areas we felt God was calling us to, we had so much heaviness during this trip and I was so fortunate to have good friends who live in both areas that we stayed with and that encouraged us and helped. We walked so much and tried to take in all we could, seeing and learning with as much of open of eyes as we could muster. We walked away still confused. But I still heard MOVE and now it was added WORK TOGETHER.
If you are married then you know, that although I love my husband, we are as different as day is to night in many ways. (Can I get an Amen on that?) But in so many ways we complement each other and have strength and talent where the other does not. My husband and I are both strong go getters who don’t stop and have the largest dreams to change the world. We are not perfect and if you would have asked me at the begging of the year about our relationship, I would have answered differently then I am about to… we have a good marriage and really do love each other the best we can. We together can solve any problem, tackle any issue and work together in the most stressful times like a well-oiled machine.
And let me tell you these last 13 weeks have been the most trying, the most confusing, the most stressful that we have walked through. I laugh at this as I write because man, I would have thought I would have said this about our international adoption that took 6.5 years, but these weeks have been different for us then that was.
These weeks have been filled with doubt as how to support our family, where to live and even at times if our marriage was to stay together. Remember I said I started working on myself back in February, remember I said earlier I worked on my walk with my Heavenly Father and worked through some VERY hard things, well I feel it was to prepare me to dig in deep, not into my stubborn ways, but into what God wanted for my life.
God does not have you go through a season alone, He walks beside you and often times carries you. In the last 13 weeks one thing has been true for us, keep moving even if it feels that it is backwards at times. Movement is positive and will continue to push you for more!!!! As I write this, I amazed at the journey we continue to be on. One thing is for sure we have grown, we been still and listened and given our lives and businesses to Gods will. I am excited to write the next chapter of this.
I hope as you reflect on 2018 that you see the ways God has walked by you, how He has been there softly whispering through the terrible, the bad, the good and the wonderful!! May your next chapter be one of excitement and listening to where and what God wants for your life.